5 secrets that my friends and family may not know about me  


1. I am lonely

I miss my friends. I may look like super mum but I am struggling to hold it all together. I wish I had more time with my friends and to nurture those friendships. Sometimes I just don’t have the time or energy to keep in touch like I should. I don’t know enough about what’s going on in my friends’ lives because I haven’t had time to ask. I spend all week being doctor, nurse, PA, therapist, taxi, and holding down a paid job. At the weekends I am wife and mum. I need time with my baby and husband. Which leaves not a lot left for my dear friends. This makes me really sad.  I worry that I am becoming a non-person. I don’t have the time to develop my own interests and hobbies or get to the gym.IMG_01852. I miss my husband

We spend so much time talking about our child’s problems and appointments, we often forget to talk to each other about each other. I worry about breaking our marriage. I worry that I have become so used to him just being there through everything, that one day I will wake up and he might not want to be there any longer. I worry that the origins of our love will fall so far into the shadows that they might become unreachable.   We have redefined the word ‘romance’ in our own special way, a million miles from our pre-family days.  A date night involves so many obstacles and premeditated criteria that we more often just opt for a quiet night at home. He is my best friend and a hero to me and my child but I don’t tell him enough.

3.  Getting out

Trips out of the house can be a mission impossible. Getting the timing right for feeding, sleeping, moods, is nothing unfamiliar to any mum, but multiply that by 10. I detest the harmless looks and comments of people when they see my unsettled child and it makes me feel like a failure. I dread the frequent moments when I cannot get my child to feed in public, or when he whimpers all the way round the supermarket. I am screaming inside. When out with friends and my child is having an ‘off day’, I feel like a social zombie.  I often feel trapped and wish I could live in a bubble indoors.

4. I am not easily offended

I do not need to be treated like a fragile flower. Ask me all those questions that you daren’t. I am grateful to talk about it! Life so far has made me pretty robust so it takes a lot to upset me.  Conversely I am able to separate myself from my woes for an indulgent adult conversation every now and then.  I know you care without asking ‘how are things’ all the time.

5. I am not jealous

I cherish my family and friends’ children with absolutely no envy or bitterness. I embrace their milestones and achievements, and celebrate them along with you. I want to hear about their gold stars, top of the class, sporting victories, ailments, worries, I want you to confide in me when things aren’t right. Yes it might seem like a petty thing compared to my child’s problems but I want to be there for you.

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Published by

tetraspecial

I was launched into the world of special needs on New Year's Eve 2012, on the birth of my son, Jenson. He is fabulous, sprightly and loving, and has redefined our lives. I am now a 'qualified by experience' PA, therapist, clinician, secretary, taxi, nurse, and in my spare time I am trying to be a good mummy. I work in an audit role for the NHS and along with my husband run an accountancy business from home. It's a busy household but Jenson's extra genetic material seems to have given us all extra special powers!

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