1. I am lonely
I miss my friends. I may look like super mum but I am struggling to hold it all together. I wish I had more time with my friends and to nurture those friendships. Sometimes I just don’t have the time or energy to keep in touch like I should. I don’t know enough about what’s going on in my friends’ lives because I haven’t had time to ask. I spend all week being doctor, nurse, PA, therapist, taxi, and holding down a paid job. At the weekends I am wife and mum. I need time with my baby and husband. Which leaves not a lot left for my dear friends. This makes me really sad. I worry that I am becoming a non-person. I don’t have the time to develop my own interests and hobbies or get to the gym.
2. I miss my husband
We spend so much time talking about our child’s problems and appointments, we often forget to talk to each other about each other. I worry about breaking our marriage. I worry that I have become so used to him just being there through everything, that one day I will wake up and he might not want to be there any longer. I worry that the origins of our love will fall so far into the shadows that they might become unreachable. We have redefined the word ‘romance’ in our own special way, a million miles from our pre-family days. A date night involves so many obstacles and premeditated criteria that we more often just opt for a quiet night at home. He is my best friend and a hero to me and my child but I don’t tell him enough.
3. Getting out
Trips out of the house can be a mission impossible. Getting the timing right for feeding, sleeping, moods, is nothing unfamiliar to any mum, but multiply that by 10. I detest the harmless looks and comments of people when they see my unsettled child and it makes me feel like a failure. I dread the frequent moments when I cannot get my child to feed in public, or when he whimpers all the way round the supermarket. I am screaming inside. When out with friends and my child is having an ‘off day’, I feel like a social zombie. I often feel trapped and wish I could live in a bubble indoors.
4. I am not easily offended
I do not need to be treated like a fragile flower. Ask me all those questions that you daren’t. I am grateful to talk about it! Life so far has made me pretty robust so it takes a lot to upset me. Conversely I am able to separate myself from my woes for an indulgent adult conversation every now and then. I know you care without asking ‘how are things’ all the time.
5. I am not jealous
I cherish my family and friends’ children with absolutely no envy or bitterness. I embrace their milestones and achievements, and celebrate them along with you. I want to hear about their gold stars, top of the class, sporting victories, ailments, worries, I want you to confide in me when things aren’t right. Yes it might seem like a petty thing compared to my child’s problems but I want to be there for you.
